How Put More Value In Yourself And Not In Your Relationships

Often times when you meet someone, you’re not planning on telling them 100% of your life story, maybe because it’s none of their damn business. However, when your personality clicks with theirs, you hope that with some immediate open honesty & being so straight forward will eventually propel the relationship farther sooner than later. This is totally not true. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so that we may listen twice as much as we hear.

I learned a few months ago, not to put my faith so much into people and more on what I believed in my heart & my Creator. People will let you down more often than you can personally deal with/handle. The idea is to pray on it and to continue to have faith in your own abilities, right? So why is it that so many of us rely on the words of our family and our seasonal BFF’s to get us through life’s obstacles and milestones. I hear the girl in the store call up her best friend when she’s having relationship issues with her man knowing that her friend is single, the lady at the salon chatting about her bad a** kids in the hopes of getting some advice when she very well understand she won‘t get it there, and the tired and overworked employee venting to their co-workers about the abuse they endure from the boss when her co-worker run their mouths. Why are constantly talking to one another about issues that we all know other people can’t fix. Why would I discuss financial troubles with someone broker than me? Why would I discuss romantic pitfalls to someone who goes home alone everyday? Why would I run my mouth to someone who is barren about my child’s behavior issues? It doesn’t make sense the amount of value we put in our relationships with other people, when we barely put any into the relationship we have with ourselves. It also amazing how much of our business we tell to unqualified people, seeking out advice.

I know a lady who can’t dress & barely practices good hygiene, has no man/woman significant enough to be considered her life partner, has very little money, and constantly seems to be very insecure with her own situation. However, with all of the things I observed about her, she still manages to give out unsolicited advice to anyone who will listen every time I see her. I always thought that you have to have your own personal sh*t straight before you dish out advice to others. But because we as people tend to seek out individuals just like her, she has opted to help others rather help herself. Her situation doesn’t seem so bleak when she hears about yours. She might even relish in the thought that everyone is going through so much, that they may not have notice she hasn’t washed her behind in a week. The idea that maybe we are not allowing ourselves the opportunity to help in our own crisis because we are so wrapped up in everyone else’s, has made me believe that I put too much into other people. Did you ever think that when someone hears your problems, you are not helping yourself- you are helping them feel better about their problems.

I remember helping everyone else with their relationships, their households, and their businesses, constantly trying to fill a void in someone else’s life – when there were some serious voids in my own. It wasn’t until I totally stepped back from everyone, when I realized what was missing in my small section of the world. The people that I helped were no where to be found. It’s like they all somehow forgot simultaneously just how much I was there, but why wouldn’t they? It was my logic that if I’m always available and always helpful it would come back to me. Sort of like paying tithes to other people. When you put people high up on a pedestal like that, the only place to go is down. These people didn’t all beg for my help, some just knew that this is what I do. It was me that needed to differentiate helping and hindering, and I needed to listen twice as much as I spoke. Sometimes when you are so invested in other people and their ideas of you, you lose sight of what help is and become more of a problem than a solution.

I’m proud to say I am no longer that person. Often I wonder if I had known this a long time ago where my life would be today. The truth is I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, sitting here telling you not to do the same.

Believe in your own decisions, listen to that voice in the back of your head telling you the right way to go (I think that’s God), and nurture your relationship with people but don’t be so consumed with the outcome that you neglect the best part of it (you!). We should put God first at all times and forget what other people think. Those that matter don’t mind and those that mind… don’t matter.

Luv you all,

I’esha GaptoothDiva

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