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Admit it! You Watch VH1’s Basketball Wives. Lessons to Be Learned- BBW 101

Basketball Wives Miami 101 Photo c/o realitytvfashion.com (edited by GaptoothDiva.com)

Obviously some of us are tuning in, because the beautiful women of VH1’s Basketball Wives keep getting a new season and being paid. Shaunie O’Neal doesn’t look like she is starving, so as much as we may complain; some women have decided to run almost religiously to the VH1 channel weekly. Whether it’s to watch their insanely beautiful fashion style or to laugh and enjoy their bickering and catfights, women all over the country have made their decision about this reality series, good or bad.

I will be the first to admit that I watch the show. It’s not for what you think, though. Although the cattiness, squabbling, and tedious arguments can be slightly entertaining (whom am I kidding, that mess is down right hilarious!), I watch because I believe there is a lesson to be learned from it all. Normally, I’m always looking for positive inspiration behind everything. However, you can find some motivation behind the stupid negative things people do as well. It’s what you take from the situations that determine its worth.

I know that when I watch the show there are several things I walk away with, that I can use in my everyday life. It’s less about how to hurl myself across the table barefoot, while not letting my vagina show on television, and more about being a better beautiful black woman. I know that sounds crazy, considering all the negative responses on the wire about these chicks. However, unlike Star Jones, I think I’m willing to look at this from all angles. What these women do and say, are always two different things. As we were taught when we were younger, actions speak louder than words. If we take the actions displayed on television (whether edited or not, they did it) and break it down, there are secret lessons to be learned.

Basketball Wives Miami 101

Photo c/o realitytvfashion.com (edited by GaptoothDiva.com)

Lesson #1: Sometimes When an Ex-Friend is Hurting, They Do Some Stupid Sh*t!

Evelyn vs. Jennifer – We’ve all had those friendships, where you and another chick were super tight. Something may have happened (most of the time dealing with a lack of communication) and you have a falling out. The one that is hurting the most will usually be the most vocal about the split. I’ve been that chick, not proud of it, but I have. I will tell anybody who was within a few feet of our connection what went down, most often trying to see if I was justified in being so angry. Some people will stir the pot and some will keep their opinions to themselves. Either way, you can bet your spiked earrings that they’re going to go a run back to the other party to spill the beans. Now the fire is turning into an inferno and you have to save face. Every time you see her, you’re more upset because of what once was, and you can’t take it. You start to get petty and vindictive, and eventually a separated friendship turns into an all out battle.

Motivation: Jennifer showed signs of moving on, which obviously made Evelyn even more upset. She can’t stop bringing her up in every episode, the people around her can’t either. Evelyn is getting married and her best friend is not even in the picture, which would hurt any chick. However, instead of being a woman and confronting these feelings, she is playing hard and stubborn. Jennifer asked the ultimate question “Other than a sorry, what else do you want?” Sometimes, even we don’t know. Speak up and stop acting gangster all the time. You can be a strong woman and show that you have feelings for your friends.

Lesson #2: No Matter How Beautiful or How Rich, Thirsty Chicks Are Everywhere

Susie vs. Kenya – It’s amazing to me how both of these women are beautiful in their own unique way (say what you want), but they somehow can’t find that little thing called self-esteem. They say and do some of the dumbest stuff, to be accepted by a couple of women who constantly clown them on television. They come across as being goofy, naïve, and often times starving for the love and admiration of the “popular girls”, instead of trying to make their own path. Royce may have her child-like ways; however, I no longer see her trying to fit in with the clique. Susie thinks Kenya is crazy, but she herself suffers from the thirst. By playing both sides more often than I can count, these two have proven that being accepted isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. You’re still a joke to everyone and you’re only postponing the inevitable. They still are cursed out, threatened, and picked on. They are too grown for that. You see what happened to that other chick that lasted one season.

Motivation: Be yourself regardless! If they don’t like you now, they won’t like you later, because the truth will always come to light. Who you really are can’t be hidden for long. Most importantly, when you are a strong black woman, that high school nonsense is just that. Stop trying to be accepted into every group of pretty girls by any means necessary. What’s the point of jumping through all those hurdles, only to look like a follower falling on her face in the end? If you’re smart, you can start your own group, where the women don’t get glasses thrown at them or talked about behind their backs.

Lesson #3: There is Nothing Wrong with Being A Little “Bougie

Jennifer vs. Evelyn and Nia – Jennifer has been accused of being “bougie” and acting like “her sh*t doesn’t stink”. This was only brought to light when Evelyn and Jen stopped being friends. I don’t believe I ever heard Evelyn refer to her as “bougie” when they were hanging close and cliqued up. Nevertheless, Jennifer is so uppity now, with her new friends, and seriously acting “Hollywood”. Whatever! As I mentioned before, these are all symptoms of a friend scorned. However, what kills me is that because Jen isn’t yelling at the top of her lungs, starting fights at every lunch gathering, and hurling furniture at people, she comes across as being “bougie” even more. Why? The girl doesn’t have to fight at the drop of a hat, because someone else is threatened by her presence. Jennifer was right in saying she makes money with her brand using her face and her looks. What reason would she have to justify getting into a physical altercation with either Evelyn or her assistant Nia, besides her not being in control of her emotions like these women?

Motivation: I can speak on this whole heartedly, because I used to be this chick. You’re mad and you want to get it out. Words will make you sound weak, so you want to fight. However, every girl that doesn’t want to fight you isn’t “bougie” or classified as weak, she’s grown. Grown women don’t fight. If you can’t communicate your feelings without jumping across the table, then you are weaker than the person who is trying to avoid the confrontation is. It’s just not worth it.

Lesson #4 – Deal with Your Internal Struggles before Stepping Into the Spotlight and Own Your Stuff

Tami – Tami is probably my favorite, although she comes off as having her bullying and instigating ways as well. She was also the one that stated that it was in fact the producers fault, that the women were portrayed to look malicious and confrontational. I don’t agree with that. I think if you do a number of things, and only part of it was shown… you still did that part. So if Tami comes across as a bully right along with Evelyn for only ten percent of the show, that is still your ten percent contribution to your everlasting legacy on television. Tami discussed some very personal things on the air, which I was able to identify with. The fact that she had to be tough and hard most of her life, also allows us to see where all that anger was coming from. However, I totally believe she would have been more of an asset to us all, had she dealt with those issues before she came on. She has a strong opinion and even stronger personality. I believe with the anger aside, she could have been a pinnacle to steer this hot mess into a much more positive direction. I wouldn’t want to take anything away from her work in the community, especially with the young girls. Nevertheless, I wonder what those girls and their mothers think about her behavior on the show. She jokes on the girls, she engages in threats and she started being the big bad ass from the jump. Is it fear or is it respect? She has come a long way from being the butt of jokes by the girls, who described her as being rough around the edges, to being one of them now. However, with this remarkable transformation, should come some responsibility to set an example that all these women aren’t as ratchet as television would make them seem.

Motivation: Get therapy, seek help, and sort out your issues before jumping into the spotlight. I’ve had health issues while dealing with my own internal demons while being on a proverbial stage of people watching me. Not at the capacity of Tami, but I still would have been better off getting myself together first. Tami’s health issues are not something to take lightly, and with all the craziness from the show, I just pray that she learns she doesn’t need the stress for a check. Sometimes being a popular woman and being famous, needs to take a backstage to taking care of you. What’s for you is already yours; you don’t need to force it.

Lesson #5 Some of Us Rather Be Boring Than Ratchet

Shaunie vs. Everyone – Let’s break this down. Remember in an earlier episode this season, everyone gave a huge toast to Shaunie, for their large paychecks. Well that is because, she is the HBIC. Yes people, because of Shaunie and her skillful business savvy, she is able to capitalize on all of this fancy, fashion-forward, drama filled, girl on girl warfare. Now does she ever get in a dispute with anyone? Never! Why would they? If you signed my check, I wouldn’t be able to find a problem with you either. Any woman that did, either is removed or put somewhere else. That is a boss lady for you. However, she is hardly on the show. When she is, it’s to usher the other women from an upcoming ass kicking. She does do her share of instigating, but I believe it’s to find a resolution rather than to get the juice like Tami. When they showed her segment with her daughter on her birthday, I found that to be the most heart-warming part of the show. Was it why we watched, hell no, but it was nice to see a softer side of the show for once. Some described her and the new Royce as boring. All of this is due to these two women not bickering, fighting, throwing jabs, or lashing out on everyone else. If that’s boring, what’s wrong with that? Kesha is the same way. She is constantly surprised by the way the other women act as if she never watched an episode. Girl, please! The three of them are all classified as boring by the majority, and most of the time never the ones to boast up on anyone for any reason. I hope that the fans blood thirst, won’t make them change their ways.

Motivation: It’s ok to be boring and drama-less. Often as women, we are always looking for some sort of excitement or thrill out of life and in our relationships. Even if that thrill or excitement comes from drama, as long as we come out winning in the end, we’ll settle for that. It’s not enough to have a sense of normalcy, but we live to stir up controversy and to get the eyes pointed at us. As a reformed “drama queen” myself, it was easier for me to find something to jump up about rather than just fall back and live peacefully. Often we think that by beefing with such and such, having a chaotic relationship or a life-altering situation will make us feel more alive, instead of enjoying what we have and keeping our names out of people’s mouths. We all don’t live on reality television, so we don’t need to spark the ratings in order to be successful. As regular women, it is ok to step back and just enjoy the blessings we have. Boring is not a bad business decision. You can still be a boss and not have a bunch of drama drown your brand or your name.

Other Lessons That Need No Explanation:

6. Be a good friend – Say what you need to, to your friends first. Don’t talk about them behind their backs or judge them to the public. They should trust that you would keep it one hundred at all times, even if they don’t like what you have to say.

7. If you don’t like someone, then deal with it – Sometimes you will find yourself around people you don’t care for. This is called the Earth. You can’t fight every single person that you don’t agree with. Learn to coexist.

8. Your real friends don’t urge you to fight – They also don’t put you into situations where they know that you will fight and sit back and watch what happens. You should be able to retain your other friends without them constantly trying to bring two squabbling people together. It never ends well and it’s only for their entertainment.

9. Sometimes the loudest in the room is the weakest in the room – Under all that yelling, anger, and aggressiveness is a little girl crying for a hug and some security. Confident grown women don’t act like that. Even the hottest and sexiest chicks need someone to say they’re pretty, so don’t stress. It’s a cry for attention and validation, it’s not up to you to fix. Just pick up your clutch, shades, and phone and just walk away.

10. Never be intimidated – we all bleed, piss, and move our bowels. We are human. I don’t care how long someone has been around or how popular he or she is, never be so star struck and thirsty that you take anything from anyone. Stand up for yourself and gain the respect of a person. Not by fighting or threats, but by showing that you won’t tolerate the bullsh*t by not delivering it. People will test you, but it is best to nip that in the bud from the beginning, then to let things fester. Tell people where you stand without hesitation, and learn to accept others who have not matured quite as much as you have. By your example, they should eventually fall in line or forever be inadequate.

Hopefully, the next time you enjoy the fire of some of your favorite reality shows, you can learn something from the behavior of the characters, regardless if it’s good or bad. It’s easier to judge from your living room couch, while these people put their lives on the table, but if you don’t get a lesson from what you see than you should just go read a book. Read a book anyway, however I’m just saying. It’s entertaining, but should be informative as well. You shouldn’t aspire to look like them or just dress like them, but to have a better quality of life than they do, aside from the money. Now that’s real motivation.

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About I'esha GaptoothDiva (534 Articles)
Media Personality, Writer, Plus Size Model & Thrift/Vintage Aficionado - I'esha GaptoothDiva is the Baddest Creative Motivation. Inspiring people through raw and motivational testimonies from her own life experiences and the journey's of others, she aims to empower supporters to live their best life and accept their talents and flaws. With no fear and lots of confidence, she takes on the world of fashion, music, culture, and lifestyle. Follow her on www.Twitter.com/GaptoothDiva for the latest and check out her official website http://www.GaptoothDiva.com

2 Comments on Admit it! You Watch VH1’s Basketball Wives. Lessons to Be Learned- BBW 101

  1. I really enjoyed reading this. I feel u on all ur points. Yeah, I watch for the drama, but I do see the lessons as well. Be urself n keep it real. Keep doing what ur doing cousin. Very happy n proud of u.

    Like

    • I really appreciate you checking out my article. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I certainly will continue to keep it real. Appreciate the love and thanks so much! xoxo

      Like

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