I get in my car and drive all around the city, seeing some of the craziest and bizarre things you can imagine. Sometimes I’m in the Southside or Northside of Richmond, and other times I’m in either the Fan/Downtown or the Westend. Either way I turn, there is always these offenders of fashion and straight up common sense, that either need someone to look up to or a swift ass kicking. Often times I don’t even have to go far from my laptop, to feel disgraced. There are people flooding my timeline with their cavalier trashiness, so it’s enough to log off completely. What is going on with the world? Have we given up on common decency and self-respect? Has the age of YOLO (You Only Live Once) really instilled “F*ck everything and kill yourself and your image” into the minds of various generations? I mean… damn! I don’t even talk to my neighbors, I’m ashamed to spend money on my side of town because I’m afraid I’m contributing to the bullshit, and I can’t wipe the “stank face” off as my facial expression until I cross some type of bridge. It’s ratchet… no other description necessary. If you’re having a hard time understanding what I’m referring to, look below. If you or anyone you know, fits into any of these descriptions… I’m sorry…. I’m talking about you.
I’ve been complaining about this since my days as a Social Worker for Social Services. There are clans of people coming into business establishments wearing their nighttime sleepwear. WTF! Why couldn’t you have rolled out of bed, took a shower (washed your face & brushed your teeth), then thrown on a pair of sweats/yoga pants/jeans and a t-shirt vs. coming out with your dingy pajamas and slippers on? Why is it so hard to get out of your pajamas? Especially when it’s after noon and you still haven’t gotten the intentional fortitude to get dressed. That’s just lazy. Some chicks (that’s my way of not calling you out your name) come out with an $80 hairweave all wrapped up in dirty hair scarves, pajamas and slippers on, and seriously having the audacity to expect some form of respect when they go out to handle their “business” during the day… why? You obviously didn’t respect yourself enough to get dressed for your (busy) day, nor did you apply any effort in how you were perceived walking out the door.
I encourage any woman in her right mind to take these individuals to the side and instill some knowledge into them. If you have been mobile with these offenders, you are as much responsible as they are. Say, “Girl! Get Dressed, I’ll Wait.” Then don’t leave the parking lot or front yard until they do. By not tolerating this from friends and family, maybe we can one day abolish this nonsense.
2. Are You Busting Out Your Clothes? Can You Even Breathe?
As a plus size woman myself, I’m quite familiar with the slight envy a person may have about certain fashion trends that you want to take part in but can’t. I know first hand how hard it is, to see something you love, but knowing deep inside they don’t make it in your size. That fact alone, does not give us thick and voluptuous human beings the right to squeeze into anything that is not physically made to withstand our God-given curves. You look thirsty. You look stupid. You look desperate for some attention. Modern technology has afforded us a wealth of options that can slenderize our appearance within moderation (i.e., Spanx, girdles, and damn exercise regiment perhaps). However, stuffing our flesh into clothes too small, and letting whatever hangs out… just hang out, makes everyone nauseous and afraid of yeast infection around you. The world doesn’t hate big girls, as many would believe. The world just hates big girls who don’t embrace the fact that they are big, too caught up in thinking they can measure up to a few video vixens and not staying in their lane. Being half-naked doesn’t make your fat more appealing, it just makes it more visible. Stop it! Save the nakedness for a self-appreciation photo shoot or a nude beach, and keep it out the nightclubs and off the bus stops, thank you.
I used to love a good weave and a decent lacefront, believe me when I tell you. I would go out of my way and shop online all day for the perfect hairpiece to free me from having to play in my natural hair every single day. I admit I was being lazy and I wasn’t completely committed to the idea of wearing my natural hair, so far be it from me to judge anyone else. However, there is an epidemic of ratchetness among us, no one is addressing. Women and young girls everywhere choosing to put cheap plastic strands in their hair, wearing ill-fitted wigs and lacefronts in the summer time, and not properly having them applied, it’s all so obvious. Hair professionals everywhere should be pulling these potential clients to the side and recommending some appropriate alternatives to help a sister look good.
I advocate for natural hair now, choosing to wear my TWA (teeny weenie afro) versus subjecting myself to another wig or lacefront, but that’s just me. When I see young girls wearing them, and wearing them wrong, I feel obligated to let them know how dumb they look. You cannot pull it into a ponytail without it being secure on the edges. If it’s nappy on the ends, people do notice. Why anyone would sell you a wig or lacefront is beyond me, but that’s a customer service issue. I just ask that we set a good example for each other. When you have a friend wearing her hairpiece in a way that doesn’t compliment her, why not inform and educate her? Why let the chick walk around looking crazy? If a man notices that your hair game is off, do you really believe that your friends didn’t think so as well? It’s just a matter of wearing what compliments you and not what you think is trendy or hot right now. Believe me lacefronts are no longer trendy. Death to lacefronts!
I sat in the parking lot of the barbershop waiting for my husband to come out. I smelled a familiar aroma coming from the car next to me. I looked to my left and noticed two women in a Buick smoking on what smelled and appeared to be some “sticky icky” (LOL), I just wanted to say that. They were smoking marijuana. Nothing new around these parts, I guess, except in the back seat was a little baby girl unbuckled standing up playing. I was so upset at the site of this that I immediately got out of the car and walked away, not wanting to be in the vicinity any longer. Of course, I took to Twitter and Facebook with my rant, hoping that someone could shed light on this ratchetness. Many people agreed that it was foolish ghetto behavior and the culprits should have been jailed. They even drove off as we were leaving, parallel to our car just driving and puffing away like everything was cool and we lived in Amsterdam. Trash! Outside I was fuming and praying they got home safely with the child, but inside I rather wanted those chicks locked up and taught a lesson.
Why smoke in front of your kids? Why pull out whatever it is that eases your nerves and light up in front of the seeds you raised and brought into this world? We wonder why kids act up and behave badly, never thinking that some of their behavior is a reflection of what they see from us. People that smoke in front of their kids should be shot… period. You’re in the car (close proximity) and you don’t once think that maybe this is getting into my child? God forbid anyone gives your child a cigarette or bag of weed; you would go off and want them killed. Nevertheless, you spark your ish in their face and want someone to give you flowers on mothers/fathers day, get the f*ck out of town! I don’t get it, and probably never will. However, believe me when I say, you can’t care about their health if you do some mess like that, you just can’t.
I have a problem with cursing, like anyone with passion and the balls to say what they feel. I have to catch myself often, especially when I’m around certain people, because unlike some… I think about the feelings of others. Nowadays, I wouldn’t want anyone to be uncomfortable because of my language (I never used to give a… well you know), so I use my education and extensive vocabulary to convey my feelings like modern ordinary individuals. However, you have those bad apples that can’t help but to say some of the dirtiest words anywhere they please, even in public places, places of business, or sometimes in front of their children. No judgment, it’s just an observation.
What makes me mad is the females that claim to be your friend and love you, but call you “Bitch” in every other sentence. What is your problem? Are you mad? How would I know if you’re mad at me, if you call me “Bitch” all the time? It’s just too much. “Bitch, you crazy”“, “You’re a stupid Bitch!”, “I’m a real Bitch!”, and the funniest “They better show this Bitch some respect!” WTF! Are you serious?
I can’t roll with you if that’s how you conduct yourself. You sound drunk. I think it’s perfectly fine, to correct someone (especially a new friend) and let them know that you will not tolerate that nonsense. An off-color joke every now and then is not a problem, but if you answer your phone right before church with a “What’s up Bitch!” I’m ending the friendship.
We talk about current events and you’re not interested. We discuss the fate of the city and try to get residence together for a cause or higher purpose, but you decline and sleep half the day away. We offer family friendly events for you to enjoy, but if there is no liquor, you’re not coming out. What is wrong with people? The Club has taken all your interest. I see events that say about 50 people will attend when it’s about a charity or cause, its non-hip hop related, or is more subtle and professional. However “Twerk Something Tuesdays” and “Bootie Shorts and Stiletto Saturdays” has 90% of my followers in attendance.
Chicks rather get half-naked and drunk than to sit through a poetry reading, a book signing, a play or showcase, or a networking event. They will leave their kids at home by themselves, to follow the latest “baller” somewhere and use their government assistance checks to buy everything they need to get there. It’s craziness. You sitting at home all Saturday in your pajamas, leave out late afternoon to shop at Rainbow to find an outfit, just to be wasted in the club with your beer belly out. Stop It!
There are other options in nightlife than the nightclub. If you really looking for a man, that should be the last place you look… dummy. You want substance, than you have to go where substance is. Any man trying to get at you in the club is hoping you are too drunk to realize that he just wants to get in those drawers (or lack there of, since some of you don’t wear any). Stop allowing the club to be the go-to destination every single weekend. That lifestyle will only dry you out and make you old quicker. I know some of you think that being young means you are supposed to be there all the time, but that is not true. Save yourself, your wallet and your dignity and find more quality things to do with the girls.
Gossip Magazines and Blogs, Hood Stories and Literature, Fashion and Hair Magazines… you name it, we all have our preferences. Nevertheless, a good advice column, self-help or self-improvement book, an article about family, health, current events, relationships, cooking, hobbies, etc. could all be great additions to your reading list as well. Rather than tuning in immediately at 8pm for the latest episode of “Housewives and Ex-Girlfriends” why not catch that later and read about new ways to introduce romance into your relationship, or better alternatives to talking to your children about sex and drugs, or maybe even how to start a business.
It’s important to me as an individual, that I not always get my information funneled to me through my timeline and the grapevine, but through my own research. It’s too many females who do not know how to read an application and complete it, but they can talk about everything on reality television. We have to do better. Education doesn’t always have to be paid for and given to you through the form of a degree these days. There are plenty of capable, intelligent people, who are self-taught through their own efforts. Nowadays, there is no excuse for not knowing about yourself and the world around you.
It’s a shame more of us aren’t taking it upon ourselves to forgo the latest gossip book and show, and reading about our passions and future ambitions. We would be a lot further.
This final one always intrigued me. It seems every hood chick in the world uses social media to follow her enemies, stalk them, and then report on their online behavior. They spend all day sending cryptic messages about how that particular person “Really doesn’t want none” and “people better start saying what’s on their minds”, but you never know to whom she is referring to. From song lyrics out of nowhere, to apparent arguments with their baby daddy’s, it seems like our timelines are filled with misspelled rants of a ghetto “These Are Our Lives”.
Explain to me how someone can go from gospel videos and bible quotes Monday Thru Thursday, but then on Friday pictures of liquor and rants about “he ain’t hitting it right”. I mean… c’mon! Where do they do that? Social media is about sharing information and connecting with people, not just posting your baby to get likes, and then everything else is pictures of you in a seedy ass nightclub with a bodycon dress on. If you don’t like someone then unfollow them, stop following people just to know what’s going in their lives. It’s pathetic. How can you in your right mind feel comfortable talking about people that you choose to connect to online, you look foolish. When someone says they don’t like someone or can’t stand someone, nowadays to check the validity of what their saying, I check to see with whom they are friends with online. Most of the time they are connected to that individual online. They are just waiting and watching for their next move. If you stop dealing with me and don’t like me, I employ you to please stop following me… it’s only going to make you mad.
I know that if you’re reading this, you’re probably not the offenders that I’m referring to (if you are than you should be quite inspired to change). However, I think that by being motivators, inspirers, and pillars in our community, we have a moral obligation to touch as many lives as we can… as much as we can. If you know someone like this, give him or her a helpful word of encouragement or a smack in the back of the head, whatever works. Let’s just make a difference… one ratchet ass person at a time.
Follow me on Twitter @GaptoothDiva https://www.twitter.com/GaptoothDiva
- Definition: Lacefront Wig (bellasugar.com)
- Can We Please Stop Using The Term “Ghetto”? (beautyfulones.wordpress.com)
- Your ‘Role Models’ Didn’t Even Catch The Shade Vibe Magazine Served Them. That’s The Great Part. (crunktastical.net)
- More Than XY: A Visual to Black Fathers and Positive Male Role Models (kamranassadi.wordpress.com)
- Giving Children of Color Role Models (spanglishink.wordpress.com)
- 5 Year Olds Hate Their Natural Black Hair! (revealyourcrown.com)
- Seven Tips To Help Your Fashionista Save Money (thefashionablebambino.com)
- Anti-Bullying Is Not Just For Kids (mommadjane.com)
- Cyber-stalking, Harassment, slander and threats (awkward-reality.com)
- How To Identify & Fend Off Twitter Stalkers (makeuseof.com)
- Operation Liberation: Tearing Down The Pink Ghetto (women2.com)
- Ratchet (dizzyisms.wordpress.com)