My first born, adorable, and wise-ass son A’veri began school yesterday and I couldn’t be happier. He has been begging to go to school for the past two years. I’ve bought him flash cards and prepared him for education very early on, and now I will have the help of Richmond Public Schools to see that my child receives a great education. Thank the Lord! However, with all the preparations, nothing prepared me for the craziness that would come out of this boy’s mouth during the whole process. A’veri says what he wants, but sometimes I wonder who is feeding him this information. I call him the guru, because he thinks he knows it all. Now that he is going to school, I guess I have to get ready for him to try to school us all.

On the first day, I knew we were in trouble. While all the kids sat in a circle, A’veri sat in the middle of the circle as if they were all there for him. While the teacher was seating everyone and dismissing the parents, A’veri raised his hand to ask a question. When the teacher called on A’veri, he said, “When are we going to start, because I’m ready to learn now”. Lord, please help us!

Here is a list of random conversations we have had:

Before School Started

In Walmart - 

A’veri – Mommy? Can you buy me a computer for school? I need it to do my business at my desk.

Me – I’m not buying a computer for school. You will get a notebook and a pencil. No one uses computers at their desk in Pre-school.

A’veri – Yes they do, Mommy. I have to do my work at my desk, so I can get paid.

Me – Boy! You don’t get paid to go to school. You go to school to LEARN.

A’veri – Learn? Do I learn, so I can get a good job like Daddy?

Me – Well, yes. So you can get a good job when you get older.

A’veri – So I can get paid then at my job… duh! Mommy, can you make sure my computer is red and blue like spiderman.

Going Over the School List

Me – The teacher said she needs everyone to bring tissues, soap and hand sanitizers, too.

A’veri – Mommy, are there dirty kids in school?

Me – Why? There are all types at kids at school.

A’veri – I don’t want to go to school with dirty kids, and I don’t want to get dirty either.

Me – A’veri, don’t worry about the other kids. You are going to school to learn.

A’veri – But Mommy, the teacher worried because she need soap and “tizers” (hand sanitizers) from everybody for all the dirty kids. Ugh!

Me – A’veri, that’s for everyone to use in the class. Even you.

A’veri – She better not be calling me dirty.

The Night Before the First Day

Me – A’veri, I’m going to miss you when you’re in school tomorrow. But when you come out, I want you to sit with me and tell me everything that happened.

A’veri – I’m going to miss you, too. Are you and Dash (his baby brother) going to be ok?

Me – Yes, me and Dash will be fine. We are going to wait on you.

A’veri – Mommy, don’t just wait on me. You could be cleaning up my room, buying me toys. Mommy! You can make me something to eat for when I get home. And you can’t let nothing happen to my brother. Feed him, change his pampers, and watch him. I don’t want nothing to happen to my brother. Ok, Mommy?

Me – Ok, A’veri. Whatever you say (sarcasticlly)

A’veri – Good girl, Mommy.

After the First Day of School 

Pick Up

Dad – So, how was it man? Did you like school?

A’veri – Yes. But Daddy, you and Mommy lied to me. You said that we were going to learn our alphabets and our numbers. We didn’t learn nothing today. We played, took a nap, ate lunch… but no learning. School is fun and ya’ll are liars.

Mommy – Hold up! I didn’t lie. It’s only the first day, A’veri. You don’t learn on the first day.

A’veri – So when do you start learning?

Dad – Later on. She has to make sure everyone is comfortable first.

A’veri – I’m never going to tell her I’m comfortable. I wanna play everyday!

On the Way Home

A’veri – Mommy, I wanna be in the big kid class!

Me – You’re in Preschool A’veri, there is no big kid class. What’s wrong?

A’veri – I got a lot of babies crying in my class. Like Dash, they always “boo boo, boo, and whaa whaaa whaaa” (imitates a crying baby), and they getting on my nerves! Ugh!

Me – Have you tried helping them or giving them a hug, so they stop crying?

A’veri – They not my kids!

Night Time

Me – Ok, A’veri get ready for bed. Are you ready to say your prayers?

A’veri – Yes, I’m ready. Mommy can you do me a favor?

Me –  What?

A’veri – It’s very important. I need you to pray for me.

Me – I always pray for you A’veri. What’s the matter?

A’veri – I need you to ask God to tell Ms. Johnson to make me the line leader tomorrow when we go to the bathroom. She didn’t make me the line leader and I was pissed off.

Me – Ok I’ll pray for you. But why don’t you just ask her tomorrow, yourself.

A’veri – Ok, like a man. I’ll ask her like a man.

Me – (laughs out loud… like literally), Good Night!

That’s what I’m talking about… Pray for Me. Xoxo

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