We Are The Beginning and End for Our Children, So Why Aren’t More Parents Taking Their Job Seriously?

As the product of a dysfunctional upbringing, it was always important for me (as a parent now) to ensure that my children don’t ever look back and wonder why I wasn’t a better mom. Work, school, bills, relationships, events, activities, and life as a whole will pull on us everyday, whether we like it or not. However, the blessing and opportunity to love our children, not with things, but with our hearts and souls… only comes to a very few. So why aren’t we taking greater advantage of it?

Lately, I’ve been reminded that many parents are depending on the school system and its administration to steer their children in the right direction. They are probably never considering that school systems deal with politics and bureaucracy, that some teachers may be there for only a check, and that your child is in a classroom with over 15 children at a time. No one at school can dedicate that much time to your kid in such a short period, with several other children from various backgrounds pulling on them constantly.

Therefore, some other parents are depending on the childcare/daycare to help ease some of the stress. However, let me explain that most of these businesses are only required to keep your child physically safe, away from harm and danger, and well fed and healthy until you return from work. They are not required to ensure that your child can read, write, or even speak proper English. They are not required to ensure that child has an adequate amount of self-esteem, knows right from wrong, or that the teacher in the classroom doesn’t have emotional problems of their own. It’s about money most of the time, if they enroll your child then its income for the business.

So, what do parents have left? Ourselves! It is our responsibility to ensure that our children know the basics from saying “please” and “thank you” to more complicated topics like “stranger-danger”, child abuse, discipline, and something as important as washing their filthy hands after using the bathroom. Our relationships will come and go, our jobs, although important are essential because we have children to care for. Therefore, to ignore the very seeds we put on earth, to get that paper and keep up with the “Joneses” makes absolutely no sense to me.

Last week, I had the displeasure of witnessing two very troubled children cause chaos all over a daycare center just because they could. Of course, the mother was dealing with so much on her plate, with her new employment and being a single mother, she had her hands full. My heart was heavy for her because if she could get the help she needed, without worrying about being paid, bills, or other life struggles, she could very well turn these kids around.  However, despite the children’s bad behavior and her struggles, the kids managed to have brand new sneakers, video games, and even quoted lines from recent movies in theaters right now. I knew then, it wasn’t about the struggles anymore, it was about parents not having their priorities straight. It’s about people assuming positions of change, yet allowing the dollar to become priority over their purpose. Everyone gave up on these kids, so the kids gave up on themselves. I literally sat there and saw a child inflicting injuries on herself, crying her soul out for attention (needing someone to intervene), while one of the staff members videotaped her tantrum supposedly for legal purposes. This girl was irrational and her parent was at work, this was kind of situation that required a hospital and psychological professionals. It hurt so bad to witness this, more so because in my position there was nothing I could do. As a mother, I wanted to scoop her up and figure out what was wrong, set her straight and comfort her all at the same time. It was then that I knew, we as parents depend on the system too much to raise our children. The system is only depending on your fee.

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I spend a lot of time with my children. I teach them right from wrong and I have the tough conversations with them early. I have a lot on my plate and I am by no means a perfect parent. I do as much as I can, because I don’t want to depend on school and daycare to parent my child, it’s my responsibility. My son will learn a lot on the streets and from other kids, but it’s my duty to ensure that he knows the facts. His behavior and his actions are a reflection on my abilities to be an adequate parent, and myself. I’m accountable for my actions, as any healthy adult should be. I can’t blame school and daycare for what I failed to do at home. So relationships, business, and other stuff to the side, if your children are acting up, think about what you did to contribute to that behavior. Is it the movies and television you allow them to watch that has them acting like fools? Are they seeing your adult behavior when they shouldn’t be? Are they privy to your idle gossip and grown-up conversations when you think they aren’t paying attention?

We can’t complain about the world and all of the messiness, when we unknowingly contribute to it. Not steering our younger generations in the right direction is the first strike against making any positive headway at all. Chasing money and trying to make sure your family looks “fly” only covers the surface. The kids that are neglected the most always seem to have the priciest labels and latest gadgets, has anyone else noticed that? Our focus should be their physical, mental, and spiritual health as well as looking good. That also includes our own health as well. If we are at our best, then our children are at theirs. It’s our job to be awesome parents, let’s make sure we do it to the best of our abilities regardless of our circumstances.

Love and awesomeness,

I’esha GaptoothDiva

Follow me on Twitter @GaptoothDiva

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Are You Trying To Be a Better Woman? How Having that 31 Status Is Creating a Better Life for Me

I feel funny writing this, because as off the chain as I can be at times, people don’t realize that I do strive daily to be a better woman, servant, wife, and mother. It’s hard when you have people provoke you, you allow yourself to be stressed and fazed, or you feel overwhelmed. It’s easier to go crazy, to snap, to drink or smoke, and to lose sight of why you’re here in the first place. However, lately I’m finding that my only sense of peace comes from knowing that I diligently pursued happiness by any means necessary. I’m only content when I believe in my heart that I pleased my Creator in some way by being the best person I could be to the people around me. I keep saying that I’m not perfect; I do have my “ratchet” ways at times, please don’t make me mad. Lol. Nevertheless, growth and progress comes from knowing that as you go all-out to be a better woman on a daily basis, similar to exercise, you will see that “ratchetness” occur in your life less often. I think that’s all God wants anyway, for us to at least try, not judge, but try to be better people individually. So, while we attempt to improve our own lives, hopefully people can be inspired by that and make every effort in their own lives as well.

http://www.31status.com/

Earlier I came across 31 Status (http://www.31status.com/) a movement created to show women how to live a Proverbs 31 kind of lifestyle. I found this to be one of the most inspiring things I ever seen. These women collectively decided to motivate other women, to be better women. It’s not a race, a competition, or a battle; it’s a unified pursuit to improve each other. I want something like this in Richmond, Virginia. It seems everyone is hustling to get that business started, trying to blow up, attempting to be the next big thing out of RVA. However, if we collaborate to improve what’s internal, I know for a fact that everything on the outside and all around us, will undoubtedly become better. I’m living proof. Talk to anybody who knew me prior to last year. They’ll say I was off the chain, but as I read more, got closer to God, and I started to value my time and myself, I’m not that woman anymore. Proverbs 31 teaches us to become better individuals. I don’t want to preach to you, because you can read it for yourself. However, you have no idea how much faith plays a big part on the blessings we receive.

10 Virtues of the Proverbs 31 Woman

1. Faith - A Virtuous Woman serves God with all of her heart, mind, and soul. She seeks His will for her life and follows His ways. (Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 31: 29 – 31, Matthew 22: 37, John 14: 15, Psalm 119: 15

2. Marriage – A Virtuous Woman respects her husband. She does him good all the days of her life. She is trustworthy and a helpmeet. (Proverbs 31: 11- 12, Proverbs 31: 23, Proverbs 31: 28, 1 Peter 3, Ephesians 5, Genesis2: 18)

3.  Mothering - A Virtuous Woman teaches her children the ways of her Father in heaven. She nurtures her children with the love of Christ, disciplines them with care and wisdom, and trains them in the way they should go. (Proverbs 31: 28, Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 22: 6, Deuteronomy 6, Luke 18: 16)

4. Health – A Virtuous Woman cares for her body. She prepares healthy food for her family. (Proverbs 31: 14 – 15, Proverbs 31: 17, 1 Corinthians 6: 19, Genesis 1: 29, Daniel 1, Leviticus 11)

5. Service - A Virtuous Woman serves her husband, her family, her friends, and her neighbors with a gentle and loving spirit. She is charitable. (Proverbs 31: 12, Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20, 1 Corinthians 13: 13)

6. Finances - A Virtuous Woman seeks her husband’s approval before making purchases and spends money wisely. She is careful to purchase quality items which her family needs. (Proverbs 31: 14, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 18, 1 Timothy 6: 10, Ephesians 5: 23, Deuteronomy 14: 22, Numbers 18: 26)

7.  Industry – A Virtuous Woman works willingly with her hands. She sings praises to God and does not grumble while completing her tasks. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 24, Proverbs 31: 31, Philippians 2: 14)

8. Homemaking – A Virtuous Woman is a homemaker. She creates an inviting atmosphere of warmth and love for her family and guests. She uses hospitality to minister to those around her. (Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20 – 22, Proverbs 31: 27, Titus 2: 5, 1 Peter 4: 9, Hebrews 13: 2)

9. Time - A Virtuous Woman uses her time wisely. She works diligently to complete her daily tasks. She does not spend time dwelling on those things that do not please the Lord. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 19, Proverbs 31: 27, Ecclesiastes 3, Proverbs 16: 9, Philippians 4:8 )

10. Beauty – A Virtuous Woman is a woman of worth and beauty. She has the inner beauty that only comes from Christ. She uses her creativity and sense of style to create beauty in her life and the lives of her loved ones. (Proverbs 31: 10Proverbs 31: 21 – 22, Proverbs 31: 24 -25, Isaiah 61: 10, 1 Timothy 2: 9, 1 Peter 3: 1 – 6)

Now which one of you wouldn’t want to be this type of woman?

I’ll wait…

Exactly! I’m working on trying to inspire myself and other women to be more of an example for other women. People will get angry and say we’re stuck up and bourgeois (bougey) but we know whom we are. Inspiration can come in all forms, so as people talk crazy about for living as if we are worth more and we’re blessed, they’ll eventually start to conform and see that blessings are coming our way. Therefore, they will begin to convert in the Proverbs 31 type of woman as well.

Check out this video from Janette “31 to be Exact” 31 Status Spoken Word

I’m excited to go on this journey and allow you to rock with me. No judgement! We are imperfect human beings, but our love and desire to please God is unyielding.

Love and Awesomeness,

I’esha GaptoothDiva Hornes

For more of The Baddest Creative Motivation, follow me @GaptoothDiva

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Motherhood Shaming: Are They Jealous or Justified?

I’ve wanted to talk about this subject for a while. Ever since I announced my pregnancy last November, the idea that I should be ashamed of having children was heavy on my mind. It appeared that many of my so-called friends were dropping off the social calendar at rapid speeds, and I couldn’t figure it out. It wasn’t until a former friend of mine decided to be completely honest and admit that people with no children are much more fun than people who have kids. I found this statement to be a little more than ridiculous, considering that the person who said this… had children herself! Was I hearing this correctly? Were young mothers being made to feel ashamed of having a family of their own? Another former friend of mine was pretending (online) that she didn’t have kids, when in fact she has a daughter that is about 8 years old. While she’s tweeting about getting drunk and smoking, having sex with other people’s husbands, and going to the club every weekend, her daughter sits in her room and watches cartoons. When I asked her about her role as a mother and how it plays into her life online, she stated, “Nobody wants to hear about my kids, girl. That’s not hot!” To imagine pretending that I don’t have these two fantastic little boys, for the attention I get online, send me into a raging fit. Why can’t my children and my family be apart of the equation?

I have a very small amount of friends that are doing something closely related to the entertainment industry, and have children. Most of the people that I meet are single and have no children. Some even stating that they don’t plan to have any kids, because they fear it will negatively affect their careers. Those that are in the industry and have children, most likely had those children mid-career or after they’ve established themselves in their niche. This doesn’t mean that it’s impossible to have both; it just means that it will take much effort and dedication on your part. In the beginning of my pregnancy, I was made to feel like I was in the way. People approached with sorrow, instead of joy initially because I would no longer be able to “party” with everyone. No more late nights drinking and dancing, no more clubs and chaos until after the baby was born. It seemed as if all the talk about babies and family life, made me older than my years while everyone was screaming “YOLO” to the top of their lungs.

Now that I’m not pregnant anymore, and able to say I have my body back, things have changed a little. Those old friends want to hook up for drinks and dancing again, but my priorities are different now. I’m more interested in spending time with people that appreciate that I am a family woman. I can’t go hang out at the clubs as if I’m single and childless, because that’s not my reality. I’m married and I have two sons, and I don’t mind if my life reflects that. When a former friend of mine told me that seeing so much about my family, reminded her of what she didn’t have and it was annoying, it hurt. I don’t throw my blessings in people’s faces with the intention of them being jealous or annoyed; I just want to show how proud I am of my beautiful family. Therefore, when I am not invited to Girl’s Night Out, by people like that, I already know the reasons. I just appreciate their honesty and chalk them up as old friends. If I can’t post pics of my kids and my husband, for fear of annoying some envious friends, then they are not really my friends.

People have to understand that we all are at different places in our lives. Some of us have made decisions that may have changed the dynamic of how we live our lives. I’ve made some bad decisions in the past, but having children and getting married was not one of them. Motherhood is hard, its work, and it’s not always glamorous and sexy. Nevertheless, having kids didn’t take away my personality or make me dull; it just made me more responsible. Therefore, if getting wasted at the club and going home with strange people is your idea of fun, I probably would be boring to you.

One girl came to me recently and admitted to me that she chose to “pay me no mind” when I first started to promote GaptoothDiva and the website. She said that she didn’t think it was going to go anywhere because I wasn’t as provocative and wild as other people were. She admitted that it wasn’t until she got pregnant and I started to talk about my family more, that she felt that she could relate to me. Prior to her pregnancy (back when all I did was promote local artist), her priorities were very different. All she wanted to do was tweet, drink, smoke, and have sex. She said that when she got pregnant, she wanted to learn more about having a family and still work towards your dreams. I felt honored that she included me in a list of people that now have her attention, especially since her mind-set is in a more positive place. When people tell me that I’m not their cup of tea anymore, because of my family situation and motherhood, I realize now that they aren’t the audience I want.

Motherhood is nothing to be ashamed of, no matter what age you are. You will have to change your focus to include your children, so partying and people shouldn’t be your main precedence, but that’s not a negative thing. People will assume that your lifestyle is an obstacle to be overcame, or they may not understand the obstacles you do face because you have children, either way it is not your responsibility to explain that to them. If someone can’t respect the fact that you have children, then they probably aren’t people you should deal with. It all in what you make it. If you want motherhood to be glamorous and sexy, then make it that way. If you want it to be exciting and fun, then plan so that it can be. I never looked at single people with no children and seriously considered them luckier than I was. Yes, I’ve joked about having kids and not having a sitter sometimes; but to deny my children to anyone whether we’re online or IRL is absolutely a no-no!

How someone could shame you into denying your children, I don’t get it. I know that some people aren’t ready get married and have a kid, that’s their personal choice. However, to ever try to make some feel small for making that decision, is just plain wrong. Blame it on jealousy, and the envy of secretly wanting a family and that level of love themselves. However, I would never say that behavior like this is ever justified. If the limitations they propose are really limitations that you face, you should find alternative solutions to them yourself. Don’t live with the notion that you can’t pursue your dreams and accomplish your goals, because you have children. We weren’t given anything more than what we can handle, so don’t make excuses. Love your children and do the best you can, keeping up with other people (with or without children) isn’t the purpose of your life. Obviously, if you’re a mother, you already know what your purpose is… live it, with no apologies. Never allow someone to shame you into denying your motherhood. You’ve earned it.

Has Anyone Ever Tried Motherhood Shaming on You?

Follow me on Twitter/Instagram: @GaptoothDiva

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The Guru Starts School… Conversations with A’veri

My first born, adorable, and wise-ass son A’veri began school yesterday and I couldn’t be happier. He has been begging to go to school for the past two years. I’ve bought him flash cards and prepared him for education very early on, and now I will have the help of Richmond Public Schools to see that my child receives a great education. Thank the Lord! However, with all the preparations, nothing prepared me for the craziness that would come out of this boy’s mouth during the whole process. A’veri says what he wants, but sometimes I wonder who is feeding him this information. I call him the guru, because he thinks he knows it all. Now that he is going to school, I guess I have to get ready for him to try to school us all.

On the first day, I knew we were in trouble. While all the kids sat in a circle, A’veri sat in the middle of the circle as if they were all there for him. While the teacher was seating everyone and dismissing the parents, A’veri raised his hand to ask a question. When the teacher called on A’veri, he said, “When are we going to start, because I’m ready to learn now”. Lord, please help us!

Here is a list of random conversations we have had:

Before School Started

In Walmart - 

A’veri – Mommy? Can you buy me a computer for school? I need it to do my business at my desk.

Me – I’m not buying a computer for school. You will get a notebook and a pencil. No one uses computers at their desk in Pre-school.

A’veri – Yes they do, Mommy. I have to do my work at my desk, so I can get paid.

Me – Boy! You don’t get paid to go to school. You go to school to LEARN.

A’veri – Learn? Do I learn, so I can get a good job like Daddy?

Me – Well, yes. So you can get a good job when you get older.

A’veri – So I can get paid then at my job… duh! Mommy, can you make sure my computer is red and blue like spiderman.

Going Over the School List

Me – The teacher said she needs everyone to bring tissues, soap and hand sanitizers, too.

A’veri – Mommy, are there dirty kids in school?

Me – Why? There are all types at kids at school.

A’veri – I don’t want to go to school with dirty kids, and I don’t want to get dirty either.

Me – A’veri, don’t worry about the other kids. You are going to school to learn.

A’veri – But Mommy, the teacher worried because she need soap and “tizers” (hand sanitizers) from everybody for all the dirty kids. Ugh!

Me – A’veri, that’s for everyone to use in the class. Even you.

A’veri – She better not be calling me dirty.

The Night Before the First Day

Me – A’veri, I’m going to miss you when you’re in school tomorrow. But when you come out, I want you to sit with me and tell me everything that happened.

A’veri – I’m going to miss you, too. Are you and Dash (his baby brother) going to be ok?

Me – Yes, me and Dash will be fine. We are going to wait on you.

A’veri – Mommy, don’t just wait on me. You could be cleaning up my room, buying me toys. Mommy! You can make me something to eat for when I get home. And you can’t let nothing happen to my brother. Feed him, change his pampers, and watch him. I don’t want nothing to happen to my brother. Ok, Mommy?

Me – Ok, A’veri. Whatever you say (sarcasticlly)

A’veri – Good girl, Mommy.

After the First Day of School 

Pick Up

Dad – So, how was it man? Did you like school?

A’veri – Yes. But Daddy, you and Mommy lied to me. You said that we were going to learn our alphabets and our numbers. We didn’t learn nothing today. We played, took a nap, ate lunch… but no learning. School is fun and ya’ll are liars.

Mommy – Hold up! I didn’t lie. It’s only the first day, A’veri. You don’t learn on the first day.

A’veri – So when do you start learning?

Dad – Later on. She has to make sure everyone is comfortable first.

A’veri – I’m never going to tell her I’m comfortable. I wanna play everyday!

On the Way Home

A’veri – Mommy, I wanna be in the big kid class!

Me – You’re in Preschool A’veri, there is no big kid class. What’s wrong?

A’veri – I got a lot of babies crying in my class. Like Dash, they always “boo boo, boo, and whaa whaaa whaaa” (imitates a crying baby), and they getting on my nerves! Ugh!

Me – Have you tried helping them or giving them a hug, so they stop crying?

A’veri – They not my kids!

Night Time

Me – Ok, A’veri get ready for bed. Are you ready to say your prayers?

A’veri – Yes, I’m ready. Mommy can you do me a favor?

Me –  What?

A’veri – It’s very important. I need you to pray for me.

Me – I always pray for you A’veri. What’s the matter?

A’veri – I need you to ask God to tell Ms. Johnson to make me the line leader tomorrow when we go to the bathroom. She didn’t make me the line leader and I was pissed off.

Me – Ok I’ll pray for you. But why don’t you just ask her tomorrow, yourself.

A’veri – Ok, like a man. I’ll ask her like a man.

Me – (laughs out loud… like literally), Good Night!

That’s what I’m talking about… Pray for Me. Xoxo

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A GaptoothDiva Experience – The Birth of Dash Hornes

*Due to the graphic nature of this video –

Parental Discretion Adviced*

Yes, I know it’s graphic. That’s what I wanted you to see. I consider this an entertaining way to say “Don’t Do It!” LOL

I’m just kidding.

I wanted to share the raw uncut blessing that was my son’s birth. It was a journey like no other, but at the end of it, my husband said those words that made me feel like I was superhuman. He said, “I’m so Proud of You!”

As a mother and a wife, we often think what we do is a given, it’s unnoticed and under appreciated. However, people see you. Even if they never say anything or ever give you a pat on the back, know that you are doing your thing. I almost died bringing my son into this world, a pregnancy struggle that I will never forget. Nevertheless, through every high and low of this experience, hearing my husband cheer me on and say I inspired him, made it seem like a piece of cake.

I’m so blessed.

 Follow me on Twitter @GaptoothDiva

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Post-Partum Disappointment: That’s The Ish I Don’t Like

Yes, it’s officially been over a month ago since I physically evicted my new son out of my womb. It was a sweet and sour moment for me. I think because part of me wanted to have my body back badly, however the other part knew there was a hell of a lot of work to do from here on out. When you’re not pregnant anymore, reality hits you harder than you think. This is probably why people always insist that you spend your pregnancy enjoying the moment, bask in your ability to create life, and be grateful for all the productive ish you can avoid doing because no one wants you to “strain yourself”. I spent my pregnancy thinking about all the things I’m going to do when I’m not pregnant anymore, that I may have missed a little of that. Nevertheless, at the exact moment that I was able to move my formerly pregnant body, life reminded me just how real it can get. Please believe, I’m still celebrating… however, it’s just not exactly how I thought it would be.

Here is a list of real reminders that I faced, dealing with my life as a non-pregnant woman. It’s been so long, I almost forgot.

Your Body – Of course the first thing that’s different is that the 5-10lb. baby is gone! You are relieved you can breathe easy with a little weight off you. However, I totally forgot how long it took to lose the rest still hanging off you like some old FUBU sweat suit. I sat staring at this pouch for weeks, wondering why it was still hanging on to my body. Last time it seemed like it just jumped off, this time it’s acting like a clinging one-night-stand that doesn’t get the picture. People will not be as forgiving about your sagging ass belly, because you’re not pregnant anymore. They will have to be told that you just had a baby, but you can’t use that excuse forever. I’m getting real re-acquainted with my spanx and girdles for the next several months, because I don’t have time to chin check folks for staring at my after birth aftermath.

Beat Your Face and Get Dressed – I regret not using every opportunity I could to look like a bum. I seriously felt so compelled to dress up (trying to distract from the pregnancy) that I wouldn’t be caught dead in just a t-shirt and jeans, or even flats sometimes. I blamed Beyonce a few months back, but she did set the bar too high. Now, as tired as I’ve been, I really want to be lazy and just say “F*ck It!” I’m not pregnant anymore, so folks won’t overlook me wearing pajamas in public, not having my face washed and polished, and rocking my hair scarf to the store. I should’ve played that damn card when I had it.

You Better Wait! – When I was pregnant, food came quickly, seats were given up, I didn’t have to carry anything, and my comfort was priority number one. I missed that part the most, let me just be honest. If I wanted to throw a tantrum, my hormones were the blame, not sweet pregnant me. Life was full of undeserved justice. Nowadays, if I’m hungry… that’s tough. If I’m tired…. So what? I tried complaining, but my once very loud voice is muffled by someone much smaller and louder, stealing my thunder. I can’t believe that all that tender loving care that I was being treated to, was not for me at all. It was for the person inside of me, who is still receiving it and often. I’m back to writing my congressional representative about my gripes with the world and we all know how that goes.

Let’s Talk About Sex – Pregnancy left me with this insatiable appetite to get skin to skin with the one I love, day in and day out. I’m not going to front on how bad I wanted to get busy. However, gravity and my physical capabilities left me feeling a little insecure about my skills. I can’t go all out in the bedroom with a 6lb. human being strapped to my chest as if I’m a suicide bomber. That’s not very sexy! I had big dreams of turning my man inside out, but settled for spooning and cuddling instead. It hurt me to not provide what I’ve been the master at for ten years, nevertheless my husband said he’ll hold it down and make up for loss time when everything is over. Now, I’m much smaller and even more capable of doing my thing…. However, the damn doctors say wait 6 weeks. Torture, it’s all torture!

Pissing Everybody Off – A bluntly honest person like me can get away with saying some rude mess to a few people… with a baby in her stomach. People tend to avoid getting upset with the pregnant chick, because she is “so fragile” and doesn’t need the “stress”. After you’re done being pregnant, people don’t give two farts and a shit about making you mad. It is almost as if some people save all the bullshit that will set you off for the exact moment after you deliver your newborn child. I wanted to kick their asses then; I want to kick their asses now. Either way, we can’t be that kind of person. We have to allow the small stuff to just role off our backs and ignore the nonsense. However, with the amount of adrenaline rushing through my body from a lack of sex and some dormant hormones, I sometimes see a slip coming up soon.

No Excuses – Clean the house, make dinner, do laundry, read bedtime stories, the list of chores is never ending. With all my responsibilities, I’m wondering why it seems harder now that I’m not pregnant. Oh yeah, I was being spoiled rotten. Now I’m saturated in the homemaker warfare and I have no ammunition. You can’t go without doing the required labor, because there are no excuses left. You have to get back on your grind. There was a time where you could fall behind, and it was ok because you’re pregnant. Nowadays, you’re just nasty, lazy, and trifling’ if you don’t get it together.

What Happened To My Feminine Side? – I used to cry at the drop of a hat at a commercial with love and devotion in it. I would adore the scent of flowers and stare at rainbows in the sky in awe and admiration. Now I’m like “STFU!” and “Get out of my face!” I lost that feeling. I’m not affectionate anymore (probably because I can’t have sex) and I’m impatient with the idea of sharing my feelings out loud. I turned into a man, but without the important part… a penis. The other day Hubs asked why we don’t cuddle anymore and I punched him in the chest. What’s wrong with me? The answer is obvious…

I’m too sickly to get drunk and nowadays one glass of Moscato makes me drunk.

I missed most of the summer and its fashion opportunities, so I’m forced to squeeze them in for the next few weeks of warm weather.

I’m not allowed to workout until my six-week appointment clears me for regular activities. However, my regular activities didn’t include working out before.

I lost my appetite for food and its deliciousness and I have excessively too many freaking pillows on my bed now.

Ratchetness is even more entertaining when you’re not pregnant and miserable.

I think being pregnant is a beautiful thing. Nevertheless, I think not being pregnant is awesome! I’m so glad it’s over and even more glad to be back and telling you all this. I don’t entertain ideas of post-partum depression. I think I suffer from post-partum disappointment. It’s the disappointment that although pregnancy was a pain in the ass, it still was a very cushy and comfortable lifestyle. I enjoyed the nurturing of my friends and family, I enjoyed the constant feedings and free stuff, but it’s all over now. I’m disappointed because in order to get it all back, I have to get pregnant again. Therefore, I will never experience that joy again. I mean, who keeps having kids just because they can, right? At least I’m blessed with a beautiful baby boy through it all, who I love and adore (especially when he’s asleep). I just thank everyone that made the road that much easier during this time, you’re the reason I’m like this.

Follow me on Twitter @GaptoothDiva

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GaptoothDiva Life: What to Expect When You’re Expecting, Motherhood, and Mayhem

We are coming upon the last days of this pregnancy. I must admit that I’m not at all excited about anything other than getting the baby out of my uterus. It’s been a long drawn out road of ups and downs, sickness and health, and most times, it seemed like death do us part. I never imagined being this sick, especially since my first pregnancy went by without a hitch, however this time around I was in for a fight. I had a fight internal as well as one with my own mind. I had to learn to fight the urge to want to please everyone around me, promising myself to make ME a priority over the success of anything else. I could have easily fell victim to overextending myself for false friends and networking colleagues, but the truth is my unborn child, my family, and my health came first. I couldn’t sacrifice my well-being for the sake of being liked, even if that meant redeveloping my brand after everything was said and done.

I especially think it was hard, because I never tried to operate my own business with the task of being pregnant. Therefore, with all the events and invitations I received, I never really had to discern which events were more appropriate for me to attend so thoroughly. In the past going to a party in some nightclub, affectionately themed after some grown and sexy cliché’, wouldn’t have sounded like a bad idea. However, after being pregnant I realized that some things are best left to the childless and unmarried crowd. I couldn’t imagine getting down at the “shortest shorts” event or hanging out at the “mid-week ménage” with no other purpose than to raise funds for some local charity. It’s just not about my image anymore, a fact pregnancy drilled into my mind quickly. I want to set an example and show people there is more to life than getting wasted and partying. I know some people mentioned “I’m foul” cause I don’t cover their events anymore or attend and “support” them. As ridiculous as that is, I initially thought they could possibly be right. After much prayer and deliberation, I had to accept that those who mattered didn’t mind, and you know the rest. I have to think about the people I’m trying to reach, my audience. My audience extends well-beyond the party “yolo” type, more into the ambitious family-oriented person looking to improve themselves and their environment.

Its crazy the type of things you think about when you’re forced to sit the game out, watching other people play non-stop. I must admit, I was scared for a while worried that an unexpected addition like our new baby may stop me from doing what I truly love all together. With some guidance and reassurance from those I love and respect, and of course some faith, I realized what’s for me is always going to be mine. I still had the passion, the drive, and the creativity to make my goals happen, so what was there to fear? Although a new baby meant some new challenges and more work, it doesn’t necessarily mean I couldn’t accomplish those same ambitions. I know plenty of women who have children (more than one) and can’t seem to cross over into legitimate entrepreneurship and success because of the challenges of motherhood. However, they do not define the role of Motherhood and Business Woman in my book, and I will do best to not look at them as examples of what to expect. I’m still scared, being that I never planned my sweet little bundle of joy and I have no idea how to incorporate him into the flow of things, but I pray and God got it for sure.

I don’t expect to be a perfect mother, I never even seen one of those. Nevertheless, I do want to be the best mom I can be. If that means that I have to put some selfish ambitions on the back burner (because I do love to have a good time and party all night), then it is no question… that’s what I’ll do. It should never be something of a sacrifice, when it comes to your babies. I want to set the greatest example for my sons, of what a REAL woman is capable of providing for her family, without neglecting their needs and image. It’s important to me that they know what kind of woman to eventually grow up and look for when they get older, despite what society and the corrupt media tries to portray.

I know now more now that some people read this website, not with the intention to be inspired or motivated, but to try to catch me slipping. They think they know me personally and they look to see what new things I’m into, what strides I’ve made if any, and what’s going on in my life. I assure you, it doesn’t bother me. I know that what I have is mine and mine alone and that no mere mortal can take that away. If watching me and quietly commenting amongst each other, is how they get through the day…. Continue to do so. It doesn’t do anything for me, if you didn’t know. I will say that I’m happy, whether I update this site every single day or once a month, I’m making moves. The satisfaction I get out of life is not measured by my peers, past or present. I’m in love, I’m healthy, and I’m blessed. My life is not measured by my status on Facebook or a tweet on Twitter, so stop checking my timeline for updates, because if you were worthyof some juicy gossip… you wouldn’t be twatching- you would know.

This baby is coming to a loving family, not too concerned with the world and its fickle ways. He is coming to two parents in love with each other and with life. That is all that matters to me. I’m planning to have a c-section, because I care about my vagina… just kidding (no not really). I plan to drop another video on Youtube soon, providing new updates and craziness with the Hubs, so be sure to check that out on my channel GaptoothDivaTV. So as I plan to have this c-section, whenever I go into labor (within the next 3 weeks), I know for sure I will really be out of it. Bear with me… I’m sure not giving up.

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Check out more new photos of my family and me on Facebook, under my personal page www.facebook.com/GaptoothDiva

For more follow me on Twitter, www.Twitter.com/GaptoothDiva or @GaptoothDiva

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My 4-Year-Old Therapist… Conversations with A’veri

Being the very perceptive person that I am, I usually try to find underlying meaning to everything that happens to me. It’s not that I’m searching really, but somehow signs and ideas just spark inside my mind from random places and events. Lately, I’ve been having some very insightful conversations with my four-year-old son, A’veri. Like his mother, A’veri lacks a “conversational filter”. This means that he will pretty much say anything, to anyone, anywhere, without hesitation. He also gets his friendliness from me, so despite my constant teachings about strangers, he still manages to try to make friends wherever we go. I love him to death, but I would never ever trust him with my darkest secrets, nor trust that I can get away with any crimes around him. He’s my friend, but the boy is liable to get me in trouble one day with his mouth, no lie.

A’veri has decided to give me unsolicited advice these past few months, and I can’t understand why. I haven’t been depressed or crying, nevertheless he comes to me with questions that he has already answered and proceeds to preach to me on a daily basis. Whether it’s about my self-esteem, my pregnancy, my relationship, my friendships, my fashion choices, or just some heavy things that have been on his mind, the boy can’t seem to shut up. I love him, I can’t stress that enough, but if school doesn’t start soon…. I’m going to go crazy. Although these discussions with my precious son are hilarious and often times bizarre, I can’t help but think he may be on to something.

Sometimes in life, God has a special message that you really need to receive. However, He sends it by a messenger that you would least expect. Most people would ignore that strange messenger, chalking it up as a weird conversation. People like me however, take heed and realize that it’s often just what I needed to hear, just from the lips of someone I never thought would say it.

Here is a list of random conversations we have had:

At the doctor’s office…

A’veri: “Mommy, Do you know why you have a baby in your stomach?”

Me: “Yes, I know why.  Do you?”

A’veri: “Yes, I know. You have a baby in your stomach because I’m tired of talking to myself.”

After dropping his father off at work…

A’veri: “Mommy, Are you mad at Daddy?”

Me: “No sweetheart, why are you asking me that?”

A’veri: “‘Cause I don’t want you to be mad at Daddy”

Me: “Well I have no reason to be mad at Daddy”

A’veri: “Good, ‘cause Daddy goes to work and buys us stuff. If you get mad at Daddy, he’s not going to go to work and buy us stuff anymore, and then I’m going to be really pissed off. Then you’re going to be mad at Daddy, I’m going to be mad at you and at Daddy, and Daddy is going to be mad at everybody. (*throws his arms in the air and shakes his head.*) That’s not right and God don’t like that.”

Me:  (*Laughing*) “Ok, lets try not to be mad at anybody then…”

A’veri: “No mommy, don’t TRY… just do it!”

A tired day, I decided to stay in the bed all morning. I was watching television, resting up.

A’veri: “Mommy, what’s wrong with you? You not happy?”

Me: “I’m fine. I’m just tired today.”

A’veri: “Don’t be sad. You’re beautiful. You’re a good mommy. You let me watch TV, you buy me toys, you give me bananas with chocolate sauce on it, and you got a baby in your stomach.

Me: “Ok…um…Thanks”.

A’veri: “So why you laying down?”

Me: “I said I was tired…”

A’veri: “Too tired to make me some bananas with chocolate sauce on it?”

Me: “A’veri, It’s too early in the morning for that and you just ate breakfast”.

A’veri: “Then why you let me say all those nice things to you?”

In the car…

Me: “A’veri, you are growing up so fast! (*Laughing*) Where is my little baby at? What happened to my precious little baby?

A’veri: “Mommy, who are you talking to?”

Me:  “You!”

A’veri: “Mommy, there ain’t no baby back here! You have a baby in your stomach… Don’t talk to me like that!”

Me: (*Laughing*) Ok, my bad.

At home…

Me:  “You hungry?”

A’veri: “Yes, I want a sandwich”

Me:  “Ok, I’ll make you a sandwich.”

A’veri: “Mommy, do I have to kiss your ass for you to make me a sandwich?”

Me: (*Laughing*) “No! Why would you say that?”

A’veri: *Heavy Sigh* “ ‘Cause, Daddy said you better have dinner ready when he comes home and you said ‘kiss my ass’.” *blank stare*

Me: “I’m sorry. (*Laughing*) I didn’t mean that for real. I was just joking.”

A’veri: “Ok, ‘cause that’s disgusting.”

A conversation with his father…

Dad: “I’m staying home with you and mommy today!”

A’veri: “Oh man, does that mean I have to go to work?”

Dad: “No, that doesn’t mean you have to go to work.”

A’veri: “Is mommy going to work?”

Dad: “No, we’re all staying home together”.

A’veri: “I don’t like it when you stay home. You turn the channel too much. *sighs*”

Dad: “Well, I’m staying home”.

A’veri comes into the bedroom to me…

A’veri: “Mommy, Daddy not going to work…”

Me: “So?”

A’veri: “Put him on punishment and tell him no TV”

Me:  “Why?”

A’veri: “‘Cause I’m supposed to watch TV, Daddy supposed to go to work, and you supposed to have babies!”

Me: “WTF!”

Obviously, I have a lot on my hands with this one. Now imagine these type of conversations times two…. I’ll wait.

God has planned something amazingly special for me with a child this unique. However, no matter what, I love this little boy.

Pray for Me. Xoxo

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GaptoothDiva Radio Season 3 Premiere Tonight at 9pm Featuring Queen of Sexy Drama, Ci Ci Foster and music by Virginia’s Mr. Funny Green

I’m so excited about this new season of GaptoothDiva Radio. If you were a listener of our past seasons, then you may have witnessed some of the country’s most inspiring and motivational individuals in business, literature, relationships, and more. However, in the past we asked the questions that made the person being interviewed more comfortable, neglecting the fact that you out there had real issues and concerns you wanted to discuss. Well forget about the past seasons! My goal is not to be controversial or blatantly disrespectful to get ratings. My goal is to not stuff celebrity names down your throat luring you into my web of constant advertising and sponsorship, that you miss the meat of the discussion.

My goal is to get you motivated to pursue your dreams of writing, music, acting, arts, retail, or whatever it is you love to do. My goal is to give you straight up advice and opinions on the issues that affect real people. Yes, I’m a little out there sometimes, but anyone with passion and a desire to make a difference has to be. No, you won’t hear us gossip about your favorite reality stars, but you will understand that without action, your dreams can not flourish. You will also realize that if you truly believe in yourself, everything is possible. That’s what the GaptoothDiva brand is all about.

Join me and my co-host, Boonyevilla aka “Dre” as we introduce Ci Ci Foster “The Queen of Sexy Drama“, a new urban drama writer and film producer whose work mirrors Eric Jerome Dickey, and Zane. Ci Ci Foster is an author, film producer, relationship advice columnist, and mompreneur who is taking the chic-lit scene by storm and empowering women in the process. A powerful new voice in African American lit, Foster’s literary debut, Sunny Rain, Published by 4 Hearts Publications (April 2010), is the sizzling story of three friends-Leslie, Natalie and Monica; three young women in Chicago who seem to have it all-men, looks that kill, and fabulous careers, but are each carrying secrets from the past that are haunting their lives and destroying their souls. Sunny Rain explores how Black women can heal themselves and get the love they deserve.

Mrs. Foster’s book sets out to change women’s old beliefs about relationships, and sparks honest, provocative discussions on sex, dating, abuse, and the importance of self-love.

Tonight we will discuss these topics that you may find interesting:

Four dating mistakes women make that keep them single

Why good black women are still single

Why loving yourself is essential in building and keeping a relationship

How she handles a successful marriage, a thriving career in Hollywood, and motherhood

An advice columnist for Fever Magazine, Web show host for Dig Into Books, and co-owner of Flower Goddess Productions, a film production company in Los Angeles, Foster has been featured in many publications, including The Chocolate Voice, XI magazine, Fever Magazine, Gloss Magazine, The Black Urban Times and has been a special guest on various radio shows.

Read Ci Ci’s article strictly for women titled “How to Keep Him Coming Back for More,” http://www.abiolatv.com/2011/01/how-to-keep-him-coming-back-for-more.html.

Sunny Rain is a deeply provocative, epic novel that is guaranteed to grab and keep reader’s undivided attention as the story line explodes with lust, chaos, lies, and deception. This sensual ‘mindgasm’ is a must-read for anyone who enjoys reading erotic novels. ISBN: 978-0-615-32400-5 For more information visit www.4heartspublications.com

For large order purchases of “Sunny Rain” contact: kevin@4heartspublications.com

Visit www.CiCiFoster.com for more details

Also featuring New music by Virginia’s Mr. Funny Green

Listen Live (click here) 

www.blogtalkradio.com/gaptoothdivaradio

Call In Live (646) 378-0442 with questions and/or comments

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/gaptoothdivaradio/2011/06/15/queen-of-sexy-drama-ci-ci-foster-and-music-by-funny-green

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