The other day, I witnessed a very talented young woman go in (I mean H.A.M) online about why people don’t come out to support her, why people don’t pay to see her perform, and everyone is cheap and about themselves. This isn’t the first time; I’ve seen people rant about people not supporting them. Even as I write this, I know damn well, it won’t be the last. It really got me thinking about the truth. As someone who spent the better part of her career, getting exposure and supporting people with no return on investment, I think I understand more than the average person, why most of you… sometimes even myself, can’t get the support we need.
First, let me say, that this list isn’t intended for everyone. Only you can determine whether you fall victim to any of these behaviors or situations. If you are honest with yourself, you probably can tell if you have been a perpetrator as well. This isn’t to point the finger, because truthfully you know what your motives and purpose are. However, based on observation, I can certainly tell you that many of us have fallen into any one of these categories before.
This pretty much sums it all up. When you see people complaining online or hear them ranting on in real life, ask them if they are guilty of any one of these violations. It’s easier to point the finger at everyone else and say people just hate, but because some of us live where very few famous people have started, we struggle to get somewhere and be a martyr, when we should just be satisfied with living with a purpose. I’m excited for you all and wish blessings on all your endeavors, just remember why you’re doing it and don’t worry about who loves you. The one that gave you the vision and the talent is the only approval you should seek.
With LOVE and Awesomeness,
I’esha GaptoothDiva Hornes
I’m sitting in my office, GaptoothDiva.com up on the screen of my desktop computer. I have light bill, gas bill, and a money order for my car note in my hand. Thinking to myself, something has to change. I’m looking at the second love of my life, my son watching television and coloring on my living room coffee table, all the while wondering how we are going to make it until the end of the month. The struggle for me is real.
There will be hindrances and roadblocks on the journey to your dreams. Bills will continue to pile up, you may have to humble yourself and ask for help, even when you know you may be rejected. The world doesn’t just stop revolving around, because you decided to pursue your life’s ambitions. Frankly, the “world” doesn’t give a damn about your ambitions. You have to face all of the problems head on, regardless of what’s going on in the background. I remember having a deep conversation on Facebook, with one of the businesses women I praised so heavily on my website. She’s an amazing artist and designer, so focused and meticulous in her craft. However, like so many of us she suffered from some slight depression, piling bills that overwhelmed her, and a little self-doubt. While I tried to encourage her and motivate her to continue on, I realized that I was in fact, encouraging myself. I also wanted to give up at one time. The pressure of supporting people freely was weighing heavily on my pockets and hurting my heart. I want to help, I want to spread the word, but while my interviewees were making money, I was struggling to keep it together. The woman I was talking to said she felt inspired by our talk, like so many of you that direct message me your problems and concerns, I will always take the time out to encourage you and give you a good word. That I will do for free until the day I die. Nevertheless, I choose to take some steps to help me overcome some of the obstacles I faced. I hope this is something we can work towards together. Let me know if this helps you, and I’ll share with you regularly how it’s helping me.
You don’t have to see the finish line approaching to know that you are winning the race. As long as you believe in yourself and your creator, everything will work out. The enemy wants you to panic and trip out without thinking logically and spiritually. That’s why we blow the handle and snap at the slightest thing. Stop, pray, and meditate. Have faith that you will be victorious always.
People always tell me that I don’t ask for help as much as I should. It took awhile, but now I understand what they mean. I’m so protective and passionate about my vision, that I treat it like a pot of gold. You wouldn’t leave it with anyone and trust that he/she won’t steal it? However, I had to remind myself that what is for me is already mine, so there is no need to worry. Ask for help, tell people what you’re trying to do, then you will be better able to discern who wants to help you and who is out to get you. Better to know now that later.
I laugh at one of my closest friends because her hustle cannot be matched. She goes hard, she hands out her cards, she is networking and connecting the dots like she never sleeps. However, even though its amazing to watch, it is also inspiring. People fear going hard because they don’t want people to talk about them. They don’t want to step on people’s toes and come off like they are better than. I was one of those who thought that as well. However, why we’re sitting here hungry not wanting to ruffle feathers, other folks are eating and not caring what you think. Go hard in everything you do, don’t worry about losing people. Success can almost guarantee that people will fall out of your life. That’s not your problem. Think about those bills, those kids, the dream to inspire you. Those who matter don’t mind…. You know the rest.
I just recently stopped dealing with somebody because I felt that they didn’t have their own ambitions. I felt that they just wanted to “get on” by any means, even if it meant copying other people. It made me so angry to see someone with so much potential, just take the easy route and swagger jack other folks. We have to do what comes natural to us. Be ourselves, whatever that means. We can’t try to fit in, because then we are setting the wrong standard. When you pursue your dream, it’s your dream… a vision with you in it. If your dream has someone else as your face, then stay your a** sleep! It’s ok to be inspired and/or influenced by someone, but don’t try flat out do what he or she do. Take your influences and make them your own in your own way, or take the recipe and tweak it to represent you. In order to succeed your vision/dream should have purpose. If you’re only purpose to have what someone else has, then you failed before you even started.
Don’t portray something that isn’t your reality. A fraud can be spotted a mile away. If you aren’t about that life on the daily, than don’t pretend to be that kind of person for popularity. I know first hand a few jokers who post things online, but their life is a very different way. You see celebrities all the time ousted for the simplest things, because they care what other people think. If you willing to front about something for fame and popularity, neither which pay the bills, then what else are you willing to do when the money starts rolling in? Don’t sell your soul. Be yourself and forget all the nonsense.
I’m excited about what’s to come in the next couple of weeks. I can’t wait to share everything with you. I hope that you all can continue to overcome the struggle, and rely on your faith and yourself to get through. If you don’t believe, then who will. We’re in this together.
The Baddest Creative Motivation,
I’esha GaptoothDiva Hornes <3
“Fuck This Shit!”
A phrase I so easily could have said, looking down at the monster I created. I’m sitting here wondering why I continue to do this. When your heart isn’t into it anymore, why keep going. If you feel uncomfortable, stifled, limited, or taken advantage of… what is the point?
There comes a point when you have to be honest with yourself and with that, more honest with the world. You can say you’re going to do it, but when do you really start? Do you want to know what honesty gets me? Honesty brought me to today. Today where I have realized while bringing in child number two, I have managed to lose more “friends” than I can count, have not spoken to my parents since Christmas, and I’ve almost spent half the year of 2012 in bed due to health complications. Honesty made me say what I felt, rather what I thought people wanted to hear. Honesty made me stand up for myself, something people assume I do all the time. Honesty was sitting on my shoulder screaming in my ear, “B*tch! You don’t deserve this.” While I contemplated whether or not I was just tripping, or were people truly taking advantage of me.
On the other hand, being honest with myself has helped me see the snakes in the grass (Good Lord, there were so many!). It has helped me to find out who I truly am, got me closer to God, and finding purpose, fulfillment and life in the little things. Doing what is not “me” is so uncomfortable today; you can almost see the hives form on my skin when I lie. I must admit this is scary for me. The drama, the excitement, and the abundance of money, friends, and flashy things made me think I was on cloud nine. However, after a year of letting all of that go, it’s clear that all those things meant nothing after all.
I now require certain things from every relationship I have, things that I am prepared to provide to someone myself. If those requirements are not met, it’s nothing for me to bid farewell, no matter who it is. I no longer sit and ponder, “Will they hate me if I say/do…?” I don’t minimize the blessings in my life anymore, proudly flaunting the goodness that my creator has provided. I no longer fear whether people will hate and attempt to destroy what is mine, because that is no longer my business. Whatever happens, I realize I am protected, because what is for me is already mine.
Most importantly, I have decided to make some changes with my business. What I crave, what I love, and what brings me so much joy (enough to leave everything I worked for since I was 20 years old), almost seemed to make me sick. The idea of feeling pressured to do what was not my style, to be someone else, and to stick to what I despised made me not want to touch the keyboard at all. Fear was a common feeling, not wanting to be boxed into any one category. Nevertheless, I conducted interview after interview, putting emotion into it only half of the time. Did I care? Yes, I did. I hated myself for working on projects I didn’t like, not wanting to stifle my opportunities. I loathed posting conversations that I could care less about having, because of hope that someone would gain something from it. Let’s be honest, some of these people were about as inspiring and motivating as the ads on the GRTC. I hated it! I decided I will no longer push my self, healthy or not, to do anything that I don’t love.
During this time, a true friend came to me and asked what I thought about certain things. Not realizing the point, I went on a tangent about various topics that truly concerned me. Then I was interrupted with that light bulb, the effect my friend wanted me to get. This website is named after the very person who is meant to inspire. No it’s not about hip-hop 24/7, no it’s not about fashion labels and the latest in mediocre “let’s keep up with the joneses”, but it’s real. Why don’t I ever talk about what I know, what I love, and what makes up who I am? Occasionally I find artist, retailers, and business that I would be proud to stand by. It’s so rewarding to discuss their journey and their skills. However, if every other day I water that down with an independent artist, who for the most part doesn’t even appreciate the time it took to talk with them, then what the f*ck am I doing? Nothing.
I’m tired of GaptoothDiva Radio. Period. I’m tired of feeling like a groupie for a bunch of people who are just waiting on someone else more established for an interview, so they use me as practice. I’m tired of listening to the same artist, only with different names who all are fighting to be that one crab that gets out the barrel. I’ve lost my mind with this craziness. It’s not every artist, but most independent and underground artist have put a bad taste in my mouth that I can no longer chase with that same old feeling of “we’ll support anyone with ambition”. I will just continue to be a fan of the ones I like/love, but no more wasting time with online radio. If it’s not related to fashion, art, or creativity other than their freaking songs, I just can’t.
I don’t want a bunch of fake friends in my network, just sucking up ideas and gems. I can’t stand it. If people truly don’t like you, you would think they would unfollow you, lose your info and move on. That is not the case. They follow you and see what your doing, then try to tell people that you know negative nonsense. I see them. When the time comes to address it, I will not hold my tongue. Professionalism is important, but standing my ground is not a character trait I will let go. I will strike when I’m ready, until then I allow them to have fun.
My personal life is no exception. I remember a while ago, people saying this thing about having a hand full of close friends. I’ve gotten to that point and I couldn’t be happier. I’ve included family in that bunch as well. I have a strict policy now: I don’t deal with ratchet ass people under any circumstances! I don’t care how long I’ve known you, if we’re related or what. It’s important to me that every relationship is mutually beneficial, so if I’m lacking – I’m packing, simple as that. I felt like a rude b*tch at first, some described it as having my nose in the air. When you’re fed up, what are you supposed to do? I had a phone full of contacts of people I didn’t care to talk with. I was throwing parties and inviting people to my home that I didn’t trust. I was giving good advice to those who wasted it. Life shouldn’t be that complicated.
I don’t know if it’s the new baby, the year off from everything I thought I was, or the freedom/solitude of realizing that my real family was what I made it, but I’m removing the proverbial gag order. I’m speaking up and speaking out about what truly sits in my heart, what boils my blood, and what I think people deserve to hear. I’ve already faced people talking behind my back, artist writing diss tracks about me and my features and exile from the only relatives I have in this state. What more can I lose? My website should be my sanctuary to open up about what I really want, not a catalog about who’s who in Richmond, Virginia. Although I will talk with some creative people and feature those I love, I don’t want it to be solely based on anything but me. I’m putting myself first, after all that’s why I paid for the domain name. I am fashion, culture, and commentary, so why do I allow other people to motivate my audience. I’ve loved, lost, gained, found, sought after, and completed things that only a few people have come close enough to realize. Should I waste precious space talking about what everyone else is working on, or should I share some of my own testimony? I think I want to share, I believe that’s my right.
I thank God for the realization and the close friend that helped me get there. It’s not enough to be an amazing person, if you only keep that part of you hidden behind closed doors.
Look at this as being me…. Truly uncensored.
A year ago, I decided to make some drastic changes in my life. A super expensive party turned epiphany made me realize that everyone that smiles in your face, attends your events, and “likes” your comments on Facebook, may not really “like” you. I was bitter for a while, but I got over it. I got over the idea that I may have been a people pleaser. My desire to make everyone around me feel comfortable, feel at ease, and feel like they’re having fun, made me into my own worst enemy. I stayed in relationships with friends that didn’t have my best interest at heart. I dealt with family members that were even worst. I tolerated those conditions, with the fear that I would ostracize myself and end up alone. Needless to say, I was stupid!
After discovering I was pregnant with our second child, I finally saw what I’ve been overlooking. True happiness isn’t manifested through your false friendships and relationships for the sake of being alone. True happiness is those connections that you have where you don’t ever have to worry about being alone. Yes, I have friends online, but those relationships aren’t guaranteed to be personal or everlasting. Most often, I’m just a number to someone. That’s the truth that many people don’t realize themselves. Did it hurt to know that some of the people I actually considered friends; were just online profiles and nothing more? Of course, it did. However, now that I’m not clouded by the idea that I have a larger circle than what I did, I can now rest in the notion; I don’t have many people to please.
I’m more honest with myself, which in turn has made me more honest with everyone else. I’ve indicated my relationship expectations and my plans and goals for the future, and it gave me so much optimism in these past few months. Those people who couldn’t handle my honesty and straightforward ideals have eventually fell by the wayside. I only make decisions that I’m one hundred percent comfortable with, rather than constantly compromising for others without any regard to myself. I once feared being seen as boring and too mature. Nevertheless, at a certain point in your life, you have to let go of that misconception, and hold on to what you believe in. I’ve lost friends, but I gained new ones that I have never even thought were possible. I always believed that your friends were the people you could do/say anything with, at any time, good or bad. However, most of the people that fit in that category in my life didn’t care to whom those bad things were done… even to me. Real friends can handle when you say you’re not comfortable with something they did or said, and family should too. Relationships shouldn’t be destroyed when you speak up for yourself, they should get stronger.
Being in this vulnerable place in my life and carrying around a new baby that was definitely a surprise to us, has indeed made me emotional. Although scientifically those emotions are rampant, I’m thinking with a clear head. I’m another year older and bringing another life into this world. The most important things to me today are totally opposite than what they were before. I’m blessed to have a wonderful husband and a fantastic son. This is my family. My business is to inspire and motivate, not party and be wasted with my “friends”. My friendships are valuable to me; therefore, I can’t afford to allow anyone to hold up a spot that they don’t sincerely want. The family I was born into isn’t the family I have to tolerate. Even if I love someone, it doesn’t mean I should let them hurt me, emotionally, physically, or anyway else. By putting my integrity first, my faith foremost, and my foot down, I’ve found peace in a completely new way.
Yes, my circle is indeed smaller. There is no list of people knocking on my door weekly anymore. My phone doesn’t ring half as much as it used to. Nonetheless, God has shown me that I have more than so many other people, often more than what I need. I’m less stressed out and more focused on what’s important. I’ve taken in some moments of life that I didn’t realize I had. I’ve learned new skills and I’m excited to learn more. Most importantly, I’m not keeping myself up at night worrying if “such-and-such” is happy/satisfied/content/or appreciative of my decisions. I’m finally so happy!
Therefore, when you think all your friends have turned their back on you. When you believe that, your family is gone. When it seems like no one is going through what you are, and somehow you are all alone… thank God! It’s a blessing.
This is my interview with Sun Karma, Model, Author, and Alternative Queen of Richmond. I liked everything I heard about this Roving Reporter for Hustler’s Magazine, but after talking to her and hearing her story, I’m so totally “Team Sun Karma”.
We discussed everything from her losing a huge amount of weight by not eating any meat for over a year to her soon to come, 6 foot art piece of penis (Yes, Penis, Cock, Johnson, whatever you love to call them). Her vision and take on the human body is amazing and nothing to be ashamed of.
She discusses her obstacles and how she overcame them to prove everyone around her wrong. She broke into exotic dancing and later into modeling. She is also the author of over 16 books and publications that range from short stories to tips and advice for holistic and alternative health. When I say the chick is fierce, it’s a serious understatement. The chick is bad!!
Take a look and tell me what you think.
For more interviews and reviews
Most of us are in full effect in our quest to change our prior circumstances and have already started working on becoming the new person we have resolute to be. However, some of us are still struggling with our relationship obstacles and the constant stress we experience on a daily basis. Well, GaptoothDiva has asked licensed psychologist in New York, Dr. Karen Sherman to talk to our listeners about possible ways to change our relationships and how to live life positively and possibly stress-free. Call in tonight with questions or comments, or even share your experiences about your attempts to alter your life.
Dr. Karen Sherman, a licensed psychologist in New York, has been in private practice for over 20 years. Her focus is relationships/marriage and helping people achieve their greatest potential. Karen is the author of “Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life” which enables people to let go of conditioned responses and empower them to make their own choices; the co-author of “Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make It Last,” and a contributor to “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Vol. 2,” writing a chapter about overcoming stress and “The Power of Persistence.” She’s a featured writer on Yahoo Personals, a relationship blogger for ThirdAge.com, and writes the “Disputes” column for Hitchedmag.com. Karen also conducts workshops, teleseminars and speaking engagements. She’s a frequent guest on national radio and her expert opinion has appeared in numerous publications. Additionally, she was a former relationships expert on the “Bo Griffin Morning Show,” and a marriage expert on ClubMom.com. Her memberships include American Psychological Association, American Counseling Association, Nassau County Psychological Association. She’s certified as a Nationally Board Certified Counselor and a National Family Life Educator and belongs to The National Registry for Marriage Friendly Therapists. She serves on the undergraduate Psychology Dept. at CW Post University. Her web sites, http://www.drkarensherman.com or http://www.ChoiceRelationships.com, offer free newsletters and programs. She and her husband have enjoyed over 30 years of marriage and have two daughters, a son-in-law, and 2 grandchildren.
Summary of Expertise:
Relationships: Premarital relationships, couples in ongoing marriages/relationships,
Education: Ph.D., Fordham University, 1989
American Psychological Association
American Counseling Association
Nassau County Psychologists Association
Nationally Board Certified Counselor
National Family Life Educator
Internet Presence: Blog for ThirdAge.com, “Disputes” columnist for Hitchedmag.com, featured writer for Yahoo Personals, Relationship expert on Selfgrowth.com
Media Experience: Extensive radio (including XM and sirius) and cited as expert in newspapers and journals (e.g. Men’s Health, Self, Family Circle, Crain’s NY, Women’s World, Glamour, L.I. Newsday)
Workshop Presentations: Including Learning Annex
Go to her website http://www.drkarensherman.com/ for more information
CALL IN LIVE
Gaptoothdiva talks with Darshan G. Shanti in the hopes of motivating business owners and entrepreneurs all over the country.
Darshan G. Shanti, “The 24 Hour Champion” is a Business Turnaround Specialist: His particular expertise is working with small to mid-sized businesses that are actively dying and bringing them back to life in 24 hours…or less. Whether he’s on the stage speaking to 1000s, tightly huddled together in a small group workshop, or working one on one with a CEO, Darshan will transform your most important, valuable assets and the real bottom line… your people.
“The problems in your life occur because you have deep, unconscious, negative and limiting beliefs about yourself. Dr. Phil calls these beliefs ‘tapes’. He says, “Tapes are long-held, lightening fast, automatic thoughts that program you for a specific outcome, oftentimes without you being aware of it. They are a natural and uncontrollable reflex and work as independently as your organs. Unfortunately, this means that your tapes can control your every move and make you a mere passenger in your own life. These powerful thoughts may actually program you to behave in ways you don’t want to.”
I take that one step further. Those thoughts DO PROGRAM YOU to behave in ways you don’t want to. There are no ifs, ands or buts about it. Worse yet, you are powerless to change them because it is not what you know about your life that runs it. It is what you don’t know. And the fact of the matter is is, YOU CAN’T CHANGE WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW.
So what are you supposed to do if your life is not working the way you want it to and you feel like you’ve settled for so much less than you want in your career, your relationships, your life in general and you know there has got to be more, but you just don’t know how to get it?
The way you have that kind of life is by discovering your core, unconscious, negative beliefs, taking total responsibility for how they got there, releasing them, owning your greatness, make new decisions about your life and take actions consistent with those decisions.
It sounds simple, but yet so few people do it. Why? They let their fears and doubts and pain get in their way. They are comfortable where they are and they are familiar with their life. Even if they don’t like it, at least they can count on it. They think the pain of changing will be far worse than staying where they are, even if where they are is very painful.
So, if you’re thinking, “It’s not possible for me to live a great life!” please read no further. You’ve already stopped all the possibilities from occurring. The fact of the matter is that your life can be whatever you want it to be in the moment you decide it to be. You have all the power.
I can and do assure you. IT IS NOT ONLY POSSIBLE TO HAVE THAT LIFE. IT IS AN ABSOLUTE FACT. If it were not a fact, then all people would be miserable.
So if you’re willing to set aside your fears, set aside your doubts, set aside any skepticism and open yourself up to a new way of thinking, being and living, we can help.”
- From the website - http://the24hourchampion.com/
The 24 Hour Champion has been described by the hosts of local radio, TV and internet shows as a dynamic, passionate, fun, powerful, extremely knowledgeable and informative guest. Whether the hosts are doing stories and interviews on coming back against all odds, (overcoming adversity) eliminating stress, helping students do better in school, being a peak performer (being a 24 hour champion) like his transformational book, The 24 Hour Champion talks about, or turning your life and/or your business around in hours, not years, he is your expert. His expertise in personal development, transformation and behavior change comes from his 20 years of real world experience working with over 30,000 people, from school age to people in their 80’s. As a transformational speaker, Darshan has developed a wealth of stories, knowledge and poignant, memorable ways to share them to educate, entertain and permanently transform his audiences.
Darshan G. Shanti – The 24 Hour Champion
Transform Your Life In Hours – Not Years
You all have read the book, you have been inspired and you have been charmed, by the charismatic Self-Publishing Author and Mentor Vincent Ellis White. This thirty year old has been rocking the city all summer with his book, “The Fully Seasoned Man’s Relationship Recipe” and has been making appearances everywhere from the iShoutforJoy.com to the GaptoothDiva Radio Show. His purpose is to educate and inform you women about making logic decisions in their search for love and understanding in their relationships with men. A former player himself, Vincent utilizes his faith in God and his desire to be a role model for his son as the catalyst to motivate other men to change their ways.
To check out the full interview go to…
GaptoothDiva talks candidly with Author Suzanne A. Roberts and ask the questions most women are afraid to ask. Tune in tonight as we discuss the truth about most failed relationships, how women should use confidence, self discovery, and intimacy when discovering their own perfect 10 within.